the funeral

I woke up this morning, hoping that yesterday was only a BAD dream i had . Lemme tell u bout my dream .

I dreamt that i was walking in a hospital, with my brother and parents . We were walking into 'WAD 9 Perempuan' and passed thru the nurses' office reception . And i saw the image of my sick helpless unconcious grandma lying on the bed . She was about to be injected or be poked by something very sharp into her arm, by a young chinese doctor. I can see the blood . I cant help but to feel rather sad and scared, and i somehow did felt the pain she was suffering . Im scared of losing her now . Well, we all did, me, my mom, my aunties, my bro, my dad .

Hurm . But unfortunately, it wasnt a dream . IT IS the real world. My grandma was really sick .

'adik, bangunn . cepat mandi . pukul 11 kang dah nak kebumi' . My brother's scream woke me up that morning . My grandma died last night . Right after i left the hospital yesterdat . She was feeling unwell couple days before . And was rushed to the hospital yesterday morning, after be found lying fainted on the floor . It was all... too sudden .

Atok, sy syg atok sgt sgt . Mintak maap sbb x dpt jenguk atok mase atok demam dan x sehat hari tu. Sy rindu atok . Sy nak peluk atok. Sy rindu suara atok. Sy rindu cerita2 yg atok selalu beritahu sy . Sy rindu nak sembahyang jemaah n baca Al Quran dgn atok . Sy rindu air susu yg atok buatkan utk sy . Sy rindu makan sama2 dgn atok . Sy rindu buat origami burung dgn atok.
Sy doakan atok bahagia di sana, bersama-sama dgn atok laki, pak uteh, pak anjang. Semoge roh atok di cucuri rahmat . Al- Fatihah.

I kissed her numb cold forehead, just before she was put into her coffin . And that was the last time that i will see her face ever again .

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tahun ni raya, aku x punya sesiapa selain famili aku . Atuk nenek, sume dah tade. Both sides .
For u ppl, who stil hv a strong healthy grandparents, or even unwell dying sick grandparents, please love them now . I envy you, fyi .